Feel no more
by wizardsunlimited
Summary: When Tim falls asleep at his desk in the bullpen, he has a nightmare which will reveal secrets that were never expected from the youngest agent of Team Gibbs. Pasts will be revealed and Team Gibbs will come to know exactly why their youngest agent won't divulge others into his past
1. Chapter 1

Dream sequence:

He ran. He ran like he had never run before. His side hurt. His whole body hurt. Yet, he ran. Away from his past and away from everything he had known. Away from the horrible nightmares and his old life. To a new life, to freedom and most of all, to a place where _they_ couldn't reach him.

He regretted it now. Going out that night. For that was a night his whole life and identity changed. He would never be the same. His life would never be the same.

_Flashback:_

"_Mom! I'm going out to the park!" he screamed out from the porch. _

_His mother could care less for anything he did. So could his father. But he still had hope. That maybe someday, just someday, they would come around and all of them could act like a normal family._

_But even he knew that it was hoping for too much. _

_He walked 4 blocks to the park where he went to the swing set and sat down. He looked around and sighed. His whole life, he had spent in this neighborhood. He had gone through a lot here. This park was more special to him than any other place. He came here every time his parents fought about something meaningless. It could be anything, from, who is supposed to fill the car with gas to who was supposed to drop him to school. They had everything. A modest two-story house, 2 cars, one for each of his parents'. Yet, HE lacked something. Something that he craved so much for that he was willing to give up all his possessions. Love and affection. That was all he needed and wanted from his parents. Sure, he had friends but they didn't know what he went through on a daily basis. They didn't know that his parents didn't even have time to say hi to him. _

_These were his morbid thoughts as he felt a sharp pain to his head and his vision swam. Then, he remembered nothing. _

Present day dream sequence:

He saw as he grew up in the slums. He saw as he was taken to an orphanage and the McGee's adopted him. He saw his birthdays pass and as he got into MIT with a full scholarship. He saw his first girlfriend. He saw their wedding and he saw their beautiful Carrie and the heartbreak of losing her.

*End Dream Sequence*

That was when Tim was shaken awake by a very shocked DiNozzo. As his head came up from his table, the first word out of his mouth was "Carrie!"

It was then that he registered where he was and who was standing in front of him. Watching his boss' face, he knew that he had to explain, instead he opted to apologize for falling asleep.

"Sorry Boss"

Gibbs raised his eyebrow at the apology and Tim corrected his statement, "Right. No apologies Boss. Got it. Won't happen again."

"I know it won't. What I want to know is what the heck was that about McGee!" Gibbs snapped

He decided to play stupid and asked "What was what about Boss?"

"Do I look Stupid to you McGee?" asked Gibbs.

"No Boss, definitely not" he answered with his jaws slightly clenched _'But that doesn't mean I can't hope for you to believe my excuse" were his thoughts._

Meanwhile, Gibbs was still waiting for an explanation for Tim's freaked out behavior. "Anything you want to tell us McGee? Anything about the freak out you just had? Mind telling us just who in the world _Carrie_ is?"

While Gibbs was on his tirade, Tim's mind was reeling from all the images he had just seen. However, on hearing the name Carrie, he was rudely snapped out of his stupor and into his reality. Once again, after focusing on reality, he just said two words to his Boss, "Call Sarah."


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's note: Hey guys! I do hope this update satisfies you for now as my exams have just started off. I will not be updating for another 2 weeks or so. I will gladly answer any concerns you guys have on PM. Now, to answer some of your reviews:**

**Earthdragon: Heyo! To answer your enquiry about Tim's answer to Gibbs, Tim is horrible at lying as we know from the series. This fic is Tim-centric and the idea in my mind requires Tim to have some complications with communication problems with the team sometimes**

**Also a VERY VERY big Thank You and a virtual hug to:**

**Crawcolady**

**RiceFlower**

**JonnyP86**

**torontogirl12**

**Remember! Reviews are my encouragement!  
Chapter 2**

*Tim's POV*

What had triggered those? A case? No. he doubted it. He had buried those memories and nightmares _years ago_ in a closed and locked section of his mind. He had locked them up so tight that he doubted, even if they did have the technology to read and interpret minds, not even the CIA or Abby or even the guys in cybercrimes could get past his. All he knew at this point of time was that he had to get out of the bullpen. Get away from the stares and the whispers.

He had to get away from Tony and Ziva's ever inquiring and pitying looks. He had to get away before Gibbs could come back and refuse to call Sarah till he explained. However most all, he needed a stiff drink. None of the stuff that Gibbs drank, but a real drink. Maybe some Devil Springs Vodka. Ah, yes. That would hit the spot. (A/N: that IS a real drink btw. Go look it up. It is VERY potent. Second most alcoholic beverage.) God only knew how long it had been since he had touched the stuff. It had been sitting on his shelf for years now. The first time he had it, was the first time he had had gotten rip roaring drunk and that night had changed his life. He didn't know if it was for the best or for the worst. Just thinking this, brought memories to the front of his mind.

Pushing them to the back of his mind again, he stood up and walked towards the break room, ignoring both his team mates calling his name. On reaching the said room, he opened the topmost cabinet which held Gibbs' personal coffee stash and felt around till he felt that little knob that opened up a secret panel on the side of the cupboard. He reached in till his hand came upon a small bottle and two glasses. He picked up one glass and the small bottle and set them down on the counter. _Now, where exactly was that ice-chest? _He knew there was one in the room as some of the officers liked cold coffee. Then, he spotted the little red ice-chest sitting near the smoothie machine. _Aha! There you are you little bugger. _With that thought he poured himself a generous amount of the vodka and put 2 cubes of ice into it. He tasted it and sighed. _Oh, how I've missed this little beauty. Can't exactly take out the bloody bottle in the bullpen, can I? _He slowly moved over to the small window overlooking the city and gazed at the city at night lost in memories, thoughts and nightmares.

*Tony POV*

McGee was moving like he was on autopilot or something. What was up with McElfLord? First, he falls asleep in the bullpen, then he has a freaking nightmare about someone named Carrie. _Maybe the movie? Yeah, probably. McGeek probably got too freaked out by it. Great blackmail material this is. But the question still remains, why the hell was he crying? Might not be the movie after all. If it was the movie, he wouldn't ask us to call Sarah. _

_I better go check on him. If he touches Boss' stash, he's a dead man walking. _

*3rd Person POV*

However, as Tony reached the break room, he was taken by surprise once again. There was McGee, _no, not McGee. Tim. _There was Tim, standing tall at the window in the break room. There was a solitary light on inside the room and that was at the coffee station. Then, Tony noticed something. Tim had a drink in his hand. Tim had never been one to drink. He hardly went out to pubs and clubs with Tony. And if he did, he refused any alcoholic beverage. Nevertheless, here he was standing with a drink in his hand and by the looks of it, it was neat. (A/N: as in no soda, no water. Undiluted). When he looked to where the bottle was standing on the coffee counter, his astonishment grew. _My, my McGee. You certainly are hiding a lot of things aren't you? _Here was the geekiest kid on the block, drinking one of the most potent alcohols in the United States and not even flinching. Not even Tony himself could drink that. _Probie's got guts. I'll give him that. Drinking that in the middle of the night in the office. _

Tony stood back and studied the man standing in front of him. This was not his Probie, Not the McGeek that he worked with. In his stead was a sophisticated businessman or author having a stiff drink after a long day at the office or after a prolonged writer's block. He was standing tall and gazing out into the city lights as they flickered in front of him. He looked deep in thought and most probably was. Tony slowly moved away from the door and turned to go to the bullpen but not before hearing the words "I love you. I hope you're taking care of yourself and Carrie up there. Keep our princess safe Diane."

Feeling as if he had just intruded on a private moment, Tony moved fast and silently to the bullpen, pondering over what he had just heard and seen.


	3. Chapter 3

_**Chapter 3**_

_**Firstly to all my lovely reviewers: thank you for all the encouragement. I will try my best to update ASAP. But we have run into a slight snag which is that I'm moving. Again. So you guys may need to be patient for another month or so for the next update as I will have to settle in a new environment and school altogether. Thank you for understanding!**_

_**Sazzita: sorry about the shortness of the chapters. I've been studying for the exams and didn't have a lot time on hand.**_

_**Crawcolady: Well now, if it took the path you suspected, it wouldn't be a good story now would it? ;) Hopefully this chapter's revelations are enough to quench you thirst for now!**_

_**missmerrymak: sorry about that. I'll put the author's notes at the end. Thanks for pointing it out though. Hope you enjoy the story!**_

_**mcgeeksgirl: he should, shouldn't he? But remember, they are not the most patient people in the world.**_

_**torontogirl12: Well, you'll just have to stick around to find out, won't you?**_

*3rd Person POV*

As Tony entered the bullpen, his brows furrowed at seeing Gibbs with a pile of paperwork on his desk that _definitely _hadn't been there before he had left.

"Hey boss man, what's all the paperwork for? Vance load all the cold cases in DC on us?" he shuddered at the long hours of working on a cold cases.

"No DiNozzo! It's McGee's file. I took it from the Agent Directory in the director's office. I'm hoping to find something, anything that can tell me what the hell is Tim hiding. And if you had even a shred of sense, you would go find your junior agent and keep an eye on him until I call McGee's sister." Gibbs barked out, his hand reaching out for the phone on his desk.

"Uh Boss? I hate to tell you this but I just checked up on Probie and let's say that we should just leave him alone until Sarah comes here." He told his superior, cringing and waiting for the head slap that never came. Tony opened his eyes and looked at his superior inquiringly. Gibbs, however just raised an eyebrow at his agent as if waiting for an explanation that Tony quickly jumped to.

"Well, uh… you see Boss, McGee is not quite…himself. It's better if all of us just left him to his thoughts until Sarah gets here." He hesitated

Once again his Boss raised an eyebrow, and Tony resigned himself to telling him the truth and getting himself and (most probably) Tim murdered without a single evidence. "Well, Boss, uh… you know about that drinking rule of yours? The unspoken one which you told us about on the first day of joining this team?" he fumbled out. At Gibbs' nod, he hesitantly continued. "Well, currently, Tim is in the break room, and he has a glass of Devil Springs Vodka in his hand." He cringed and looked in his Boss' face for any signs of anger and wondered if he should start planning his colleague's funeral.

However, he needn't have had that thought at all. In fact, at the look Gibbs was giving him, he was pretty darn sure that his Boss had absolutely no idea what in the world was Devil Springs Vodka and was clearly waiting for an explanation from his Senior Field Agent.

Tony sighed and began his explanation in a way that Gibbs would understand. "Devil Springs Vodka is a drink that will basically get you drunk and staggering in one shot. Sometimes even marines can't handle it and they love to drink, no offense to you Boss. It's definitely stronger than any drink I dared to drink and it's helluva lot stronger than Bourbon that you drink. Frankly speaking, I didn't even know McGee drank. Let alone hardcore."

To say Gibbs was shocked at Tony's revelation would be an understatement. In fact, Gibbs was about ready to go and knock some sense into his agent. However he was stopped by the fact that DiNozzo had mentioned that McGee was not in the condition to be disturbed. So, with a quiet sigh to himself, he picked up the phone once again and dialed Sarah McGee's number.

_**A/N: Remember to R&R! I love reviews and suggestions as usual! And I do use your suggestions. So I'm counting on them! Virtual cookies to all my reviewers and viewers! Upcoming in the next chapter: Gibbs' conversation with Sarah and her visit to Base!**_

_**P.S. Did I mention I just turned 16 a week ago? I feel so ooollllllld! (Compared to my friends)**_


End file.
